My Life of Insanity
by Gorf15
Summary: Sam is just your average student, she has her best friend, and her messed up family. But what happens when a new boy moves in down the street? Not quite a fanfic, or an AU of one of sarah dessen's books, but it is the story of a teenage girl. bad summary
1. Chapter 1

First I would like to state that this story is completely mine, all of the characters, all of the scenarios, everything. It is mine so don't steel it or anything.

Second, I don't care if you love it or if hate it. I am going to post no matter what you think, though your comments are appreciated. They help me in the writing process, and allow me to fix any typos that I might of missed during the editing.

Thirdly, sorry if I sound a bit like a bitch at times, I'm really not, I am just a very sarcastic person, that tends to get a bit lost in writing.

So, enjoy I guess.

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Chapter 1: Inside of My Head

I hate my life, lots of people must feel this way but I'm the only one that I know. I do the same things every day and I have accomplished nothing. I'm average, plain, boring, run of the mill, or however you want to put it. Who am I? Well if that mattered I would have told you already. You know me. Well maybe not me but someone like me, someone that is going nowhere, someone that blends in.

I hate mornings. They are early and bright, to quiet and ear-splittingly loud all at the same time. They should make it illegal to be up this early, but no, it isn't illegal and I have to be at school in an hour.

I'm not really the biggest fan of school. It all kind of seems pointless to me. At a certain age, that is younger than it currently is, children should have to decide what they want to do with their lives. And then from that point on they would only study what they needed to know to excel in that. Then maybe I wouldn't have to suffer through filler classes such as English and History.

Or maybe not even that, if anyone knew what they wanted to do with their lives, career wise, and even if they were very young, then they should be allowed to study just what they needed to know for that, and nothing more, unless that person so chose to study more.

Hello bus. Hmm that is such a weird thing to think as the bus comes isn't it? Of all the things I could say, think, or feel all I can do is great what is coming towards me and accept it, but that is all I ever do, just accept my life as it is and move on, never bothering to change the things in my life that I don't like. I guess that says something about a person. As opinionated as I am I never try to change anything. I just take what I get and move on, deal with it, never even really trying to change it if I'm not happy.

Everyone on the bus is practically sleeping as we drive to school. No one seems to care that at any point in time there lives could end, that is if anyone but me even realizes it. I feel like I should just do something, anything to make well everything more interesting.

The bus.

I think someday I will paint it blue just to see what happens. That would make life more interesting that is if anyone even noticed. I am always thinking things like this. Planning what I could do to change my world to make it more interesting, but I never follow through. So even if I was to paint all of the busses blue tonight while everyone else was sleeping no one would notice. No one ever notices anything that happens, ever. Everyone but me.

Sometimes I think that I am crazy, others times I just think that I am unique, but I know that it is nether and my life is just sad. I am not really a social person, although I'm not sure if that is by choice or if that's just the way it is. I am the good girl, always have been. I don't go to parties, drink, get in trouble or anything really. I am a constant, never changing never going off track, off script. If I was to do that, to go off script I still would have nothing to do, or to say. Again though I will say that it isn't exactly like I chose for my life to be this way, it is just how it ended up being and I never fought it.

Have you ever wished that your bus would crash, flip, be in some freak accident, serious enough to get you out of school but not so bad that anyone was actually hurt. Cause I do, every day. Not so much because I don't want to go to school but more because it has never happened and it would be different, something that I have never done before, experienced before.

As we come up to the school I realize for probably the hundredth time that the school looks so big just sitting there being a school. Although what else would it be? A plane? That might make it look even bigger though, to see it flying through the air.

Really right now just stop and look around. Think about all the history, what where ever you are has seen. Can you see it in your head? Can you imagine it; see it happening right in front of your eyes? Cause I can.

More than two thousand people go to this school, to some people that might seem like a lot but I have never known anything else so it is just the norm. All of these people walking past me, all of them are going places. Maybe not right now but in the long run they are all going places, they have futures, they will do things with their life's, but not me.

I don't know how I know but I know I am going to die young. Not very young like 17, but like late 20's early 30's. I can see myself finishing high school, going to and finishing college, getting a job, possibly getting married but after that nothing. I can not picture myself with kids, getting old, or anything like that. Not that I care. That is just my life who am I to fight it?

Math class. I am the smartest person in this room with the exception of the teacher. I learn the things that she teaches in a few minutes while it takes most of the other students all class. I should be in the brain class but I never do my homework so I am stuck here, being taught things I could have figured out on my own.

I can tell that the teacher doesn't like me. Every time she calls on me for an answer I can see it in her eyes that she wants me to fail, but I never do. I always get the answer right, finish the problem before the rest of the class has even started.

It takes all of my self control to not just blurt out the answers, to go up to the board and teach the class myself, I could teach it better than the teacher. Not that I'm a good teacher, cause I'm not it is just that Ms. Williams is a really bad teacher. She does not understand simple questions asked by the students, and instead of making herself look like an ass she just re-explains everything she has just taught the class, making the student look like an idiot.

I tend to be a very anti-social person but I do have one good friend. Paul is the only person that I really talk to in school, and we have known each other for what feels like our entire lives. He is average just like me with his medium short brown hair, somewhat round face, and clumsiness. It does help that he is just about as crazy as me. We have the same theories, think the same way almost, and nether of us has any other friends so that is it, we stick together because if we did not have each other we would have no one.

"Today is different, something is different, something is going to happen today that will change the rest of the year. I can feel it, I just don't know what it is yet, or if it will be good or bad." I keep saying this, almost these exact same words over and over to him as we eat lunch, or as he eats lunch. I don't eat at school.

"You say that at the beginning of every school year Sam, what should make this year any different?" He mumbles in between bits of his hamburger. I can't stand the smell of fast food, he knows this and that is why he eats it every day at lunch.

"I said it all those other years because I wanted it to be true, not because I believed it to be true. This year is different because I believe it to be true; I can feel it in my bones." I say to him in my best I know everything voice.

"You also say that every year." I roll my eyes at him, as he smirks at me. He is always mocking me. He does it because it is the only thing that really gets under my skin. That is pretty much our relationship; we try to piss each other off for our own personal amusement.

"Ok, so maybe that is also true but this year really is going to be different something really big is going to happen, I am sure of it." He opens his mouth to say something else but I already know what it is, so I glare at him it that way that means shut up or suffer my wrath, and he continues chewing, he isn't that stupid, he knows I fight back.

I think most people in the school think we are dating, if they even notice us at all, but we aren't dating, we are just good friends. We have never kissed or anything, I have thought about it though, but only because I think about everything, I have pictured myself with just about every guy in school, even though I would not date even half of the guys in my school.

I have very weird standards when it comes to guys. No jocks, no first level popular people, second level popular people, want to be popular people, not even the popular geeks.

He can't be flunking any subject and no more than one D depending on his teachers. He has to be funny, but not too into dirty jokes, one is ok every once in a while. Looks have nothing to do with it that is just a perk. If he cheats he is out, no exceptions, no excuses.

**Some of the Levels of Popularity**

**First level popular**: The football team, the football cheerleaders, and closest friends of the football players and football cheerleaders.

**Second level popular**: Lacrosse team, basketball team, some of the hockey players, swim team, track, the rest of the sports, some of the hockey cheerleaders, and the other cheerleaders in the school not including the steppers.

**Want to be popular**: The less close friends of the first and second level popular people, the kind-of-fat cheerleaders, the second half of the hockey cheerleaders, the people that are not friends with any of the popular people but hang out with them anyway, and the people that were popular in elementary school and middle school that aren't popular any more.

**Popular geeks**: some of the soccer players and the hot straight A students. These people have lots of friends, are in honors classes with their friends, and have good taste in music. They are some of the nicest people is school but it is nearly impossible to enter their group because they have all been friends for at least the past three years and are so freaking smart, believe me I tried for two years to get in but couldn't.

I don't fit into any of the levels of popularity that I have in my head. Paul and I don't really have a level because it is just us, and you can't really have a level when it is just two people. We would be a sub-sublevel. To every level there are sublevels and sublevels to the sublevels, and it continues on infinitely and no two people in the same school are on the exact same level when you get into further detail about the individual people you are working with. But with the broader spectrum the levels can be applied to just about any school and fit almost perfectly.

A lot of people are against seeing people as the groups they are in but somehow that is just the way that I think. When I see them, or if I am forced to talk and work with one of them in a class I do not think of people that way, but while talking about my taste in men, or the kinds of people I might be friends with if I didn't act so crazy and actually had other friends it is just easier to explain that way.

Believe me I am very against the whole cliché thing, and as far as schools go it is not really a problem in our school. Almost every person if not every person has friends in almost every group of people, with the exception of me and Paul. We just don't fit into any of them, and I am ok with that. As long as I don't have to be the loser who eats lunch alone, I'm happy.

Design/Arts is kind of like the begging art class. It is easer than 3rd grade art class but I needed to take another class, and this one requires nearly no thought at all. I am in no way a beginning art student. I have taken art class ever year and, just last semester I took drawing one, and this semester along with design/arts I am also taking ceramics one. I don't really plan on making art a career I just take the classes as a good excuse to keep coming back to school day after day. With out these classes I would be absent a lot more.

This is so stupid. The teacher is having us make card board picture frames that we are later going to paint. For almost every sentence that the teacher says as she instructs us on our project I can think of something very sarcastic and mean to say back. It is even harder to control my mouth here then in math.

Art is simple it requires no thought at all. I just let my mind drift all class and see what I have at the end. Most days I don't even really know what I am doing as I work. My hands move, and my eyes watch what I am doing, but my brain seems to not process any of this information. I don't even really see what I am doing most days I am so lost in my daydreams. All I see is what I am thinking about, not at all what is in front of me, which sometimes can become a problem.

Once when I was in 5th grade I was daydreaming about nothing in particular. It was one of those daydreams where I don't even see what I am staring at. All of the sudden I come out of my daydream as the person I am staring at looks in my direction. For who knows how long I had been lost in thought, staring at the guy I liked at the time. He never spoke to me again.

Before I even really notice I am working, class is over and the bell is about to ring. I have my watch set with the school clocks so I know exactly when the bells are going to ring, it really comes in handy when you are talking to someone in the hallway and you know when you have to bolt so you get to class with just enough time to be in your seat before the bell rings. To bad I am the girl that is the room before the teacher.

I really do enjoy riding the bus, it is a very good place for thinking, not that my head wasn't already full of thoughts. But today is different. I usually get the third seat on the left side of the bus all to myself, but today someone else sits down right before the bus leaves. I look at him and all I can seem to notice is that he is smiling at me. I don't know why he would be smiling at me, so all I can do is stare at him blankly.

As I continue staring at him I can also see that he is tall, really tall, like at least six foot two, also his hair is blond and all messy. After I get past his appearance I notice that his lips are moving like he is talking but he couldn't possibly be talking to me, no one but Paul talks to me. He gives me a strange look after his lips stop moving and I manage to blurt out "What?"

"I said, 'Hi I'm Chris'. After someone greats you and gives you their name usually the other person does the same," he says in a very Earth to human kind of voice.

"Oh right, I'm Sam. Why are you talking to me?" I say in a truly curious voice.

"Well you're here, and I'm here, so _naturally_ I thought, hey why not strike up a

conversation with the person I am about to be sitting next during this bus ride." Now he just sounds like a smart-ass.

"All right then, what do you want to talk about?" This is going to be annoying.

"Well I am new to this school."

"And your point is?"

"Well if you are going to be a smart-ass, I'll just sit somewhere else."

"Sorry, I kind of always respond that way, just ignore it and keep talking, you get used to it over time."

"So I'm new to this school and I am trying to figure things out. Do you think you could help me out a little?" Who actually talks like that?

"So you are asking me? Join the club. I don't talk to any of the people in this school, it is just my and my friend Paul, and we aren't exactly the popular people of the school."

"So what can you tell me about the teachers here?"

"They are all idiots." Really what could possibly be his motive to speak to me; I'm average in every way you could possibly imagine with the exception of how crazy I act most of the time.

"You really aren't going to be of much help are you?"

"Nope" I say with a nice big grin.

After that he seems to give up on talking to me, and he pulls out a book but I can't see the title. So I do the same, I pull out a book, cause I always have one with me and begin to read completely forgetting that there is someone sitting next to me.

I always put down my book at about the 12th stop not wanting to miss my own stop. He is still sitting next to me, reading his book even though most of the bus is empty and he could have a seat to himself. As we pull up to my house I poke him in the arm. "This is my stop." he just puts his book away picks up his stuff and instead of just getting up so I can get off he also gets off the bus.

Oh great this guy moved in next door to me, now he will never shut up. Ok so he doesn't live next to me but it is still really close, like 5 or 6 houses down I think. Not that I care, I don't know or like any of my neighbors. I never really thought about getting to know any of them. Being friends or enemies with someone that lives that close to you can start problems, it is just easer to not worry about it, or even think about for that matter.

I hate where I live now, this house is to big looking, it has four columns that used to be white but are now just kind of dirty looking, and the porch is cracked and slanting towards the yard which is so full of acorns that there is barely room for grass. It's not even my house, it's my aunt's, me and my dad can't afford to live anywhere else.

From the outside it looks so big but on the inside it's small and filled with stuff, all kinds of stuff that no one needs, right now there are actually two different mattresses and the box springs for them sitting in the computer room. Although living here is a lot better than some of the other places that I have lived in the past few years. The last place I lived with any amount of permanence was actually my grandma's and that was when I was still living with my mom.

No one really knows my true opinion on everything that I have been through. Paul knows some of my story but not all of it. I might tell him if he was to ask but he never will. I don't really trust anyone enough to let them know what I am thinking all the time about everything. I can tell that my brain works differently than most people. I think about a lot of things that most people would not even consider thinking about. For example the fact that I am sure my dentist is trying to kill me with radiation or that if I could get enough of the students together we could over through the school system.

I know that I am crazy, and for the most part I don't try to fight it. The main reason I always act so crazy and happy all the time is because my biggest fear is that someday I might end up like my father, or worse my mother. My parents are both crazy, and not the good kind of crazy like me and Paul. I have actually lost count of all the different medications my dad is on to keep him from killing himself or hurting someone else. And my mother is not on a lot of medications she probably should be on. Somehow over the years I have convinced myself that if I act happy enough maybe I might actually be happy and not a crazy bitch like my mom or bi-polar like my dad.

I usually try to avoid all of the people that live in this house, so I always go straight up to my room after school to sign on to my computer. My room is also average, who could have guessed it. The walls are just white I gave up painting my room's years ago, I just move to often, but I do have picture up all over them. Not the kind most people have but stuff I printed off the internet, or ripped out of an art book, or found in a magazine.

I think I might have gotten myself addicted to the internet. I am always on it when I am not at school or sleeping and I am constantly checking my e mail, even though no one ever sends me anything. I do anything and everything to keep myself busy. I play games on the net mostly.

Today when I sign on though Paul is on so I decided to IM him just to bug him. He hates talking online because he can't hear the other person's tone or see there facial expressions.

Sammy480: hey what you doing?

Paulsomthing32: trying to think of something to do. you?

Sammy480: talking to you.

Paulsomething32: so did that important life changing thing ever happen?

Sammy480: maybe. what's it to you?

Paulsomething32: you know me, it's that natural curiosity kicking in.

Sammy480: well i don't think it ever happened, but some guy did move in down the street from me and he talked to me on the bus today.

Paulsomething32: i don't like him.

Sammy480: do you know him?

Paulsomething32: no.

Sammy480: then how can you not like him?

Paulsomething32: i reserve the right to like or dislike any person of my choosing.

Sammy480: that is not a reason, that is an excuse.

Paulsomething32: so i don't need a reason.

(Paulsomething32 signed out at 5:37 pm)

I hate it when he signs out without notice. He knows I hate it, and that's why he does it. It's not that I like Chris but I just don't see why Paul would take a disliking to him so quickly.

Paul never really liked the idea of trying to expand our group to more people though. For a few years I have been trying to talk him into trying to get some more friends. He usually just tries to change the subject by arguing with me, and it usually works. I will have to make a note to bug him about it tomorrow and not give up.

Ugh, now I have to do homework. Somehow, I don't know how but I got all through middle school and freshman year without really doing any homework. I am not sure how I got past all of those assignments but I always ended up with ok grades. This year though I have at least been trying to do better, but that is what I do at the beginning of every school year and it usually only lasts through the first 2 weeks, so I am already falling behind.

Maybe I could put off my homework for just a few hours. I still have plenty of time to get it all done.

So instead I turn on my TV and start watching a nothing show and not really paying any attention to it. Mostly all I can think about is the fact that Paul doesn't like Chris. This is really bugging me. My life is always so boring that it is kind of nice to have something to think about rather than the nothing that I am usually thinking about. It's almost sad that something as mediocre as this can capture my attention for so long.

Finally it is late enough for me to sleep. I love to sleep; my dreams are always so interesting. Not the kind of dreams that most people have, mine are always different. Once I dreamt that is was at the Lake of the Ozarks and a whale shark was trying to eat me. Even though I knew then that that species of shark was harmless and I was on shore the whole time. The weirdest part was that I had a birds eye view of what was happening.

I figure if I get up at 6 then I will still have time to take a shower and get my homework done. Yes, that sounds about right.

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So that was chapter 1, congratulations if you actually finished that piece of insanity.

I will probably post the second chapter in a day or two, but then again I tend to procrastinate, so who knows when the next chapter will actually make it up.

If you want, review it, I you don't want to, then don't. My continuing to post this story is not dependent on if I get reviews or not. That is just a little perk of posting this thing publicly where people can read it.


	2. Chapter 2

First I would like to state that this story is completely mine, all of the characters, all of the scenarios, everything. It is mine so don't steel it or anything. Though there is a small mention of the books New Moon and The Road of The Dead, which I do not own.

Second, I don't care if you love it or if hate it. I am going to post no matter what you think, though your comments are appreciated. They help me in the writing process, and allow me to fix any typos that I might of missed during the editing.

Thirdly, sorry if I sound a bit like a bitch at times, I'm really not, I am just a very sarcastic person, that tends to get a bit lost in writing.

So, enjoy I guess. (and yes this is the same heading and the last chapter, I just copied and pasted it)

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Chapter 2: Talking And Not Talking

BEEP, BEEP, BEEP.

"Will you stop yelling at me!" That is usually what comes out of my mouth when that damn alarm goes off. It is just so loud that I get the impression that it hates me and it is yelling its hate at my when it goes off. Illogical, I know.

I always sit up so quickly when that thing goes off that I can never remember concisely getting up. One second I am sleeping and the next I am standing turning off the alarm. Somehow a lot of my life passes that way, without my knowledge. Like sometimes in the morning I will be down stairs getting my stuff together and I will suddenly relies that I have no recollection of how I got there. Like for all I know I just materialized next to my backpack.

Damn it. I forgot to reset my alarm clock last night so it is already 6:50. No time for a shower and no time for homework. Well I guess it is not that big of a loss, I probably would have reset it for this time anyway.

By the time the bus comes I am thinking about Chris again, but now in am thinking about the fact that he is not here yet, at the bus stop. I am actually getting a little enjoyment out of the fact that he is going to miss it; it is kind of funny to a crazy person.

Figures that right as the bus is pulling up, there he is, right in time without even having to run for it.

"Hello" he says greeting me with a grin on his face. Why hasn't he got it yet that I am a very anti-social person with only one friend. He must be stupid.

"Hey" I hear myself say completely unaware that I was going to talk. My mouth is not really connected to my brain; I often say things without realizing it, which is why I have to be so careful in math and design/arts.

As I sit down in my usual seat I notice that he already has his book out and is sitting next to me again. "What are you reading?" Damn it, I did not mean to say that out load.

"It's called The Road of the Dead. It's about these two brothers that are searching for the person that killed their sister." He seems happy that I asked him about his book. I know what it is like though, I read a lot and no one ever asks me about what I am reading so on the few occasions that they do I get a little too excited.

"Yes I know, I have read that one before."

"Really?" What a stupid question to ask.

"No I'm lying, of course really." I say in my most sarcastic voice. My sarcasm is always thicker and meaner in the morning I don't really have control over it.

"Cool, did you like it?"

"Yes but I'm not going to give the ending away."

"What are you reading?" I did not even realize I was holding my book but now that I look down at my hands there it is.

"Oh, it's called New Moon. It's the sequel to my favorite book and it is a romance novel about vampires."

"Sounds good but I'm not that into romance novels." I could have guessed that much.

"Well you are a guy so that is kind of expected."

"I like horror and mystery much more."

"Yes, I do to usually but it can be a lot of work trying to find a good mystery book." After that nether of us really knew what to say so we both just started reading. We got to the school way faster than I though we would.

Today in English I can't focus at all. I don't think I even really remember walking into the room or sitting down. I just remember being on the bus one minute then the next I was lessening to Mrs. Parker drone on about nothing in particular.

Even trying to pay attention I can't seem to make out a single word. Like she is speaking in a different language, I think she might be speaking Latin. I actually take Latin but I don't understand any of it. I think I know more Spanish than Latin and I haven't even taken a Spanish class.

English is pretty much useless anyway. I am never going to need to know all of the different names for the different types of poems for my chosen profession. Herpetology is not really the kind job where I am going to need to know how the write twelve different types of essay. Unfortunately for me though, the school doesn't see things the same way.

Now that I look around the room it is actually really big, I never noticed before. I guess it is hard to see the largeness in a room that you feel trapped in, but then again that would make a lot of sense. No matter what size the room, if you are trapped, it will always feel small.

We don't actually eat lunch until the third class of the day, and I have Latin second. Like I said before I don't understand the language at all. In math I always want to speak up but in Latin I never have a clue what to say. I don't really hear anything the teacher says so I always do really shitty on tests. I only made it out of the class with a D- last year and that took a lot of work.

Believe me I would quit now but almost every college in the country requires at least two if not three years of a foreign language. It is like they all know how much I hate this and they just want to make me suffer.

Even when she is speaking in English I can't follow her logic. She actually told us that the first time she took Latin she failed it. In my book that just makes her the best darn teacher in the whole school.

Latin is a useless language anyway. It's not like anything is written in Latin or anyone speaks Latin. It is the dead language and unfortunately quitting is not an option.

"Hey." Paul greets me as I walk up to him at lunch. He doesn't look so good though, like he is concentrating too hard on something he doesn't want to think about in the first place.

"Hey, what's up? You don't look so good." As I say that though he perks up some but it seems staged, like he just doesn't want me to know what he is thinking.

"Nothing much."

"Chatty today aren't we?"

"Oh, I just have a lot on my mind right now." The fake happiness is gone now. It doesn't really seem like a good time to bug him about the whole Chris thing.

"Well then what is the problem? Maybe I could help."

"It's nothing, really." Now I am getting worried, and frustrated. I hate it when he is so cryptic.

"But you just said. . . "

"Really it's nothing; don't worry about it Sam, not everything is your business." He says cutting me off in a stressed out voice.

Still even though he seems upset with me he sits down and starts eating in silence.

I really do hate to see him in such an off mood. I mean I am also really curious about what is doing this to him but worry is over powering that feeling right now.

I don't think I have ever seen him this upset about anything. Even when he was going through a hard time at home he would still laugh and joke around with me at school. I just can't think of anything that would do this to him.

"All right, I'm leaving." He says to me as he stalks off to class.

"Ok, I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Ah, sure." He doesn't sound like he even heard me. Their has never been anything he couldn't tell me like this. He was always the one to spill the beans before I even really asked him what was up.

As I walk into my 4th class I see Chris sitting next to the chair I usually sit in. When he sees me a huge smile spreads across his face and I can't help but return his big grin. There is just something about his smile that makes it nearly impossible not to smile back.

"So I guess we have history together." He says after I sit down.

"Yes it would seem that way." Why can't I stop smiling? This is ridicules.

"So do you like history?" He is just full of questions isn't he?

"That would depend on what part of history we are studying. I love the Salem witch trials but I hate studying about any form of government." Why can't I have better control over my mouth?

"The witch trials are interesting but I prefer ancient civilizations." He must really love to talk.

"You are very opinionated aren't you?" I did not get to hear his answer though because at that moment class started and the teacher quieted us down.

Mr. Steen is an ok teacher, he at least seems to enjoy the subject and it is a little easer to focus then when I am in math.

Right now though we are studying ancient Rome and I get enough of that country in my Latin class so instead of paying attention I start to doodle on a blank piece of paper.

But by the end of class Chris has a whole page of notes while I have a very intricate yet random design covering my paper.

"You must really love history hugh?" He said looking at my paper as I slip it back into my note book.

"No I do, it's just that I get enough about Rome in my Latin class and if I get any more information on it my head is going to explode and that could get messy."

"True but still this stuff could be on a test." Ok so he's a smartass and a brain.

"I'm not really a straight A kind of girl. I like low B's much better actually. I have to stay under the radar or the teacher might start expecting to much from me." I say with a smirk. I really am talking a lot today.

"Well I am kind of a straight A kind of guy, so I think I will just keep taking notes." By now we are getting on the bus together.

"Think about it though. If a straight A student was to get a low B then that is seen as a really bad thing, but if a D student was to get a low B then that is seen as a really good thing." I guess that my lack of conversation at lunch today was catching up with me now.

"True but I just can't help it. I have always been getting A's and there is a lot of pressure to keep them up. By now it is just kind of expected for me to get A's."

"I just don't think it is fair that a D student could get offered by their parents $50 for every A they get but an A student doesn't get anything for their work."

"You sound like you have thought about this before."

"I think about everything."

"That is a lot of things to be thinking about."

"Yes well just like you can't help but get A's I can't help but think." By that time we had already gotten off the bus at our stop. "Well I guess I will see you later then."

"Bye." He was already walking away as he said this so he rose up his hand to acknowledge my farewell.

Man I am so tired I just want to go straight back to bed but instead I sign onto my

computer in hope that Paul is on.

He is on but a few seconds after I sign in he signs out. I guess he doesn't feel like talking yet.

I'll give him a two more days to get out of this funk before I start pestering him for some answers. Yes, two days should be more than enough for him to get back to his normal self.

But two days pass and he is still acting strange. He hasn't called, e mailed, instant

messaged, or even really spoken to me at school; just a brief greeting and goodbye at the beginning and end of lunch every day.

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Congratulations if you have made it this far in this piece of insanity that I am calling a book.

If you haven't noticed by now, which you probably haven't considering you guys don't really know me, the main character Sam, is basically me. A good number of her memories are mine, things that actually happened to me. And the description of her room and living conditions are also from my life. Though I did edit out my little brother. Everyone else in this story is fictional. My best friend's name is not Paul, and I actually have more than one friend.

I'm just rambling out of boredom now. So I will stop


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Refer to previous two chapters.

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Chapter 3: Arguments and Confessions

Ok it's Thursday and his two days are up. I can't just keep watching him go through this

funk, I don't like seeing him this upset, and I hate feeling like there is nothing I can do to

help. Even though I have no idea what is making him act this way I still feel responsible, and like it is my job to fix it.

"Ok, start explaining. I want to know what is up with you. Sense Tuesday you have not

been your normal self and I don't like it." He looked me in the eye for the first time sense

Tuesday and he actually looked surprised that I was here. Like he just thought he had been

sitting by himself all this time.

"I just . . . just have a lot on my mind right now that's all." He made sure to tack on a

phony smile to the end of his statement.

"No it is more than that. You have never acted like this before and you have never kept

something from me like this. It just isn't right. I can tell that something is wrong and I really hate seeing you like this. " I made my usually sarcastic voice and compassionate as I could manage.

"It's not exactly like you tell me everything you are going through all the time." This he

said without a smile and with contempt in his voice.

"Well it's not like you ever asked!" I could tell that I'd sounded hurt, but after that I just could not handle him any more, and I didn't even try to hide it. So I left, I just got up and

walked away without looking back.

After I got out of the commons I realized I had no where to go. So I took my book that was already in my hand and went up to the library - to sit in the back corner where no one else goes - to read.

Although when I walked back to my reading spot someone was already there.

Who could possibly be in my spot? Almost no one even knows about it so why would anyone else be here?

But right as I was thinking all of this, he lifted up his head of messy blond hair and I could see that it was Chris.

"Hey, what are you doing up here?" he asked after his eyes took in that the odd girl standing there staring at him was someone that he knew.

"I was just coming up here to read."

"I thought you usually hung out with that Paul guy during lunch?"

"I usually do but he has been in a mood all week and we just kind of had a fight." I must have still sounded a little upset because I could see him register it on his face.

"What about?" he looked not only curios but also concerned. I was a bit surprised by this. How could someone that I had only known for four days already be concerned about me?

"About the fact that he hasn't really been talking all week and that he would not tell me what was bugging him. I mean he always tells me what is happening in his life and I have always helped him get through it but this time is different." How could he always get me to tell him everything I was thinking so quickly? 

"He could be scared to tell you. Scared of what you might say or think about what is happening to him right now."

"I guess that could be it. How did you get to be so smart and all knowing?"

"I tend to be a really observant person and that helps but mostly I just guess." He said in a joking tone. By now we were both sitting in this back corner across from each other so we could see each others faces. I would have sat next to him, but I liked being able to see the expressions on peoples faces, it makes it so much easer to tell the difference between what they really are thinking and what they're just saying.

"While that is a possibility for why he is acting like this, is not a solution to make him go back to his regular self."

"Just give him some space, when he wants to talk he will come around."

"Hopefully" I tacked onto the end of his statement in a very fat chance kind of voice.

I have a lot of different voices I use to get my feelings across. It actually surprises me when people point it out that I am using one of my voices. I already say just about everything in a sarcastic tone so I usually don't realize when I am saying things sarcastically.

"So, do you come up here to read often?" I just want to keep the conversation going, not wanting to let what had just happened with Paul sink in.

"Yes actually. I'm up here every day during lunch." Did I see a flash of embarrassment on his face?

"You could have come and had lunch with me if you needed someone to sit with. It's not like Paul has been very good company lately"

"I didn't know if we were good enough friends to sit with each other at lunch." His voice was timid now and he didn't look at me when he spoke, instead staring intently at his shoes.

"If you are going to sit next to me on the bus every day I would think that you could sit next to me during lunch."

"Ok then, I'll start sitting with you." Now he was smirking at me. Man does this boy change his mind fast.

"Well then I guess it has been decided," I said as I opened my book and started to read. He didn't look like he was ready to end the conversation, but opened his book back up anyway.

After about tem minutes of us just sitting their and reading in silence I started to say something and then changed my mind embarrassed, but he didn't look like he was going to let me off the hook that easy.

"Come on, just tell me," I shook my head no without looking him in the face. "If you don't tell me I am going to assume it is something much worse than it really is, plus then I will be forced to start guessing," he said in his smart-ass voice. I couldn't look at him, if I did then I might do that annoying spilling my guts thing that happens so often around him.

"Come on Sam," he said now in a more serious yet still pleading voice, "you can ask me anything, I might not answer, but you can still ask." Somehow he managed to say this seriously and sarcastically at the same time, and I decided to ask him unsure of why I want to know so badly.

"Why did you sit with me on the bus that first day?" I asked, looking up at him now, my voice sounding to shy for my liking. I liked to think that I had grown out of my shyness over the years, but it was always there, under the surface just waiting to come out and embarrass me.

He looked like he having a debate in his head, though I couldn't tell if it was about if he should tell me or what he should tell me.

"I sat with you because…," he paused, taking a breath, and it looked like he is also making up his mind, "…because, you looked different then anyone else in the whole school, you seemed to be the only person that did not care what anyone else thought of you. My first day, I observed everyone, trying to figure the different people out, and everyone seemed fake somehow, but not you. You were the only one, and you still are, that just doesn't seem to care what other people think about you, and I admire that in a person." I could tell by the tone of his voice that he was telling the truth, but knowing that only brought more questions into my brain.

"You said that I was still the only one that must mean that you are trying to please someone too."

"I'm a straight A student in a new school, of course I am trying to please someone. My parents, the teachers, and other school officials all of them expect something of me and I feel compelled to meat that expectation, I just can't help it, I see it as my biggest fault." He was lying in a way. Like while he was telling the truth about this, he wasn't telling the whole truth, there was someone else he was trying to please, that he didn't want to tell me about, but I wasn't going to press him for details, at least not right now.

"It is human nature to try and please other people, and for years I tried to please everyone. Over time I started to see that it was impossible, and that no matter how hard I tried to please them they would always want more out of me. It took a long time to not care what everyone else thought, but I managed to get there. Now the only person I have to please is myself, and that isn't hard, I tend to be very simple person," I explained.

"Alright, now I have a question for you," he paused again for a moment, I guess he was deciding on the question, and I could tell that this was going to be very hard for me to answer, maybe even impossible, "Why are you so secretive? You seem to try and learn everything about other people while giving nothing away about yourself." I was right. This was going to be very hard. He must be very perceptive to have figured that out about me in such a short amount of time.

I guess all I could do was just tell him, if I don't he might just pester me forever. So that's what I did I just started talking.

"When I was younger, I had more friends than just Paul, all of them were girls and most of them were popular. I trusted them all, and when they asked me about my secrets I would tell them. Well eventually those friendships ended and when they did those girls told everyone everything. Everyone new my secrets and since then I haven't really trusted anyone, even Paul the one person I should be able to tell everything. That is mostly what is fueling our current argument." I closed my eyes and lowered my head so that he couldn't see my face, scared of what I would see on his face after hearing my confession.

"I guess in a way that is understandable, but you seem to have taken it a little too far. I would think that after being friends with Paul for so long you would be able to trust him even if you couldn't trust anyone else. But then again you are probably scared of more than him telling other people, you are probably also scared of how he will take the truth. Scared that he might look at you differently or think less of you."

"You are a mind reader aren't you?" I asked with a scowl on my face because he was able to figure everything out about me even when I tried to be evasive.

"No, I just tend to understand human nature a little better than most people."

I was about to add something more to his comment but the bell rang and I have an odd irrational fear of being late to class, so like always I got up and started hurrying back to my class.

Chris was left still sitting on the floor dazed almost, though I am not sure about what; the odd conversation we just had, my confession, the fact that I would now be spending my lunches with him, or something else? I don't know, but it was kind of cool leaving a guy in a daze behind you.

The rest of the day was uneventful, except for the fact that every time I passed Paul in the hallway he avoided my angry glares, and pretended I wasn't there. It was only a matter of time before he just found different routs to all of his classes so he could fully avoid me. I didn't even talk to Chris on the bus, I just sat and read, making it look like I was fully engrossed in my book, while in reality I could not even see the page I was so lost in my head.

He must have gotten the message though because he did not even try to talk to me, like he could just tell that our conversation during lunch had been enough to push me over the edge and was far more than I was used to giving away about myself.

Once I got home though I had nothing to worry about, it seemed that everyone else avoided me like I avoided them. I went straight to my room taking all of my stuff with me but when I signed onto my computer Paul wasn't on, then again it was kind of an irrational hope that he would be, and even if he was that he would talk to me.

I actually had nothing to do, not that I am normally busy but I usually have at least something that could distract me for a bit, like a book, but right now nothing. All of the sudden Paul's voice popped into my head with his usual sarcastic tone, "Hey, hears a though, how about doing your homework to pass the time?" Even mind Paul was getting on me about my homework, now that's what I call sad.

But for some reason I just couldn't bring myself to ignore mind Paul, even if he wasn't real, at this point I would take any Paul that was even almost like my old Paul.

Now the reason that I don't do my homework is not because I don't get the material, because I do. And it is not even because I don't like to do homework because doing the work doesn't really bug me, some of the assignments are even a little fun, it's just that I can't seem to get myself to start working. If I actually start it is no problem at all, but I guess it is just something in my brain that won't let me, like even my conscience is telling me to put it off and that I will have time to do it later. When I was younger this was never a problem. In elementary school I did my homework, and somehow I made it all the way from 6th grade to 9th without doing any homework at all, still coming out of the school year with a B average, but no, that just won't cut it anymore.

I had found that this year somehow it was magically affecting my grades and I just can't seem to snap out of my bad habit. Even Paul had been mystified that my never doing any homework had not really affected my grades, and believe you me this year he was rubbing my face in it while at the same time trying to get me to finally get something done.

Now trust me, I have tried to break my old habits but it never seems to work for more then two weeks, and then after those two weeks I get absolutely nothing done sending my grade plummeting. So now again I tried to break my habit of doing nothing. Maybe when Paul is talking to me again we will actually laugh about the fact that mind Paul achieved what real Paul never could.

Once I started my homework it was not hard at all to keep going, no matter what work I was actually doing. Before long I had gotten all of it done, leaving me just enough time to eat and shower before finally letting my exhaustion consume me.

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Sorry to anyone who has written a review and I haven't replied to them. After the very first review I got the site stopped sending me an e mail telling me I had gotten a new review. Just further proof that computers hate me I guess. So I did not see any of the other reviews until earlier today, so I will say now thank-you for the reviews. And sorry if their were any typos in this chapter. I don't know how many times I have edited it (probably more that five) but I still can't seem to find them all. If you do find one please tell me so that I can fix it.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: See previous chapters.

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Chapter 4: Unexpected Answers

The next day on the bus I still did not really feel much like talking but Chris would have none of that. He just kept peppering me with nothing questions, I guess he must still be a bit worried about me and did not want me to think to much about my current situation, which I was kind of glad of.

"So what did you do last night?" he asked trying to sound casual while he inspected my face with his eyes.

"I did my homework, then went to bed," I said very matter of factly.

"Really? I never thought I would hear the words you, did, and homework in the same sentence without the words didn't do in between then." He was such a smart-ass.

"Yes I did, you don't have to be a smart-ass about it though."

"But I thought you were trying to keep the teachers expectations low?" He asked raising his eyebrow at me.

"Oh, I still am, but you have to keep them on their toes, so they never know what is going to come next." I stated trying to make it sound like this was the most obvious thing in the world so he would not be the only one acting like a smart-ass.

"So have any big plans this weekend?" he asked me making it sound like I had a new wild party to go to every weekend.

"Hmm, let me think about…" I said back scratching my chin the way all people think big important people do when they think, "I have a big movie shooting to go to tonight, then on Saturday I have lunch with the queen, and on Sunday I have a short brunch with the Pope before I'm named ambassador of Canada, but besides that I am completely free," I stated, adding a smile on to the end to just top it off.

He scowled at me for a moment before saying, "Oh well if you have time to squeeze it into your very busy schedule I was thinking that maybe we could go to the movies this weekend, there are a few different movies out right now that are supposed to be pretty good."

As he said all of this his scowl faded into a look that seemed to be completely genuine.

"Oh," was all that I could manage. He had caught me off guard a bit, we had only just got to a point that we really seemed to be hitting it off, and I had not really known him for all that long, and their was also the fact that I had never been anywhere with a guy I wasn't related to besides Paul and he barely counted.

"It would not be a big deal or anything," he added real fast as he noticed the surprised look on my face, "I just thought that cause we were friends now we could go and do something together outside of school for a change, and I haven't really been anywhere since I moved here. It really wouldn't be a big deal." He added again on the end of his rushed statement.

Though while he was talking I had barely heard a word of it, for in my head I was having a war with myself. Half of me wanted to go just to rube it in Paul's face that I had found someone else to hang out with, while the other half just thought it would be nice to get out of the house so I could take my mind off Paul for a while, and another half was oh so slightly concerned by the fact that Chris had never in his short speech said that it would be just as friends, not at all like a date, and I am not quite sure weather I wanted it to be like one or not. I don't really think that I was ready for that yet.

"Umm, I don't know," I said in a very doubtful voice, like I did not trust my own words, "I guess that would be ok, yeah sure." I added onto the end still doubting weather this was what I wanted or not.

"Great," he said perking up a bit, "Well I guess I will see you later then," for we had

already gotten off the bus, walked into the school, and were standing outside of my first block class.

All through till lunch I could not focus on anything, I would hear the teachers talking but I couldn't focus on it, like they were speaking gibberish. Once I got to lunch though and I saw Chris I figured I should try to act as normal as possible so I would not freak him out. I mean it really was quite nice of him to just ask me like that, and he really didn't make a big deal out of it. I should not have been freaking out like I was, but I couldn't help it. I guess the fact that I had never been anywhere with anyone besides Paul in a long time must be freaking me out. I really couldn't think of another reason why this would be bugging me so much.

Chris caught up with me as I was walking down to the commons. Well at least I did not have to worry about finding him. "So where do you want to sit?" I said with absolutely no enthusiasm.

"How about on the wall over there." He sounded like he was trying to make up for my lack of enthusiasm by sounding extra, extra cheery.

"Sure, sounds good."

"What's up with you?" He asked as we sat down on the low wall near the art department.

"That," I said tilting my head towards Paul who after seeing me walk in with Chris glared at us then stormed out of the room, to who knows where. I was sure he had no where else to go.

"Oh," he seemed to be at a loss for words, "I guess he doesn't really like me does he?"

"No, he doesn't," I said a bit surprised for I had just remembered that Paul had told me this before he freaked out and stopped talking to me. "He never told me why though."

"I think I could guess why."

"What are you talking about?"

"Nothing, nothing," he said a bit too quickly, "Just forget about it."

"Tell me. Now." I said with as much venom and authority in my voice as I could manage.

"Really it's nothing." But I glared at him and he knew there was no getting out of this one. "It just seemed like he was interested in a little more than friendship." He seemed nervous like he was scared I was going to hit him.

"Why would you say that?" I had been expecting something, but it was not this.

"The way he looked at you, the way you talk about him, the way your problems with him started about the time I came along, and a few other things." he sounded nervous.

I couldn't move, or think, and I am pretty sure I had also stopped breathing. It just couldn't be true, I mean Paul, come on, and he had always been like a brother to me.

I must have looked like I was in complete shock because Chris seemed even more nervous than before.

"I shouldn't have said anything."

"No it's alright," for some reason I could not bring myself to look at Chris so I just kept looking at my hands.

"Really, I'm sorry. It wasn't my place to say anything."

"I told you it's fine," I said now looking up at him, "I think I should get back to class." The bell had just rung and now I felt too awkward to be around Chris. "Oh yeah, and here's my number," I added pressing a slip of paper into his hand, "Call me later so we can figure out our plans."

"Wont I see you on the bus?" he called after me.

"No my dad is picking me up after school today, so I guess I will talk to you later."

"Ok, bye." He called after me as I nearly ran down the hallway.

Well if what Chris said was true then that would defiantly explain why Paul had been so angry that I was spending time with Chris. But still Paul had never said anything, and all those times that we hung out he never tried anything, even when we were up in his room and we would lie on his bed, nothing. He would listen to me go on and on about all of the different guys that I had liked over the years and he never said anything.

If he did like me like that why would he not just say something?

Thoughts like this were running through my head all day till I got home. I just did not want to accept that Chris was probably right. But the phone ringing cut off my thoughts, and for a split second I thought it was Paul but when I answered the phone it was just Chris.

"Hey," he said with a little too much enthusiasm again.

"What's up," my voice full of fake happiness. I'm sure he could hear through it, I don't even know why I bothered faking it.

"Well I was thinking we could see that comedy that is out right now on Saturday, what do you think?"

"Sounds good to me, what time?" My voice still full of that fake happiness that sounded nothing like me.

"I was thinking around five. It's not that far away so I thought that we could just walk up there."

"Sure meet me at my house at about four. That should give us plenty of time to get up there."

"Yeah, I just hate it when I miss the previews."

"Ok, well I have to go so I guess I will be seeing you tomorrow. Bye." I just wanted to get off the phone.

"OK, bye." He sounded hurt again, he probably thought that I trying to avoid him, then again I kind of was. I just didn't really want to do much talking, to anyone really, but it wasn't like I tried to cancel on him, I just can't talk to him or else my head might explode.

I just don't know how I was going to get through the movie tomorrow. He's probably going to try to get me to talk more, and I don't think I can handle that. I have already told him more than I usually tell anyone. What am I going to do if this ends badly? He just knows too much about me. He has the looks that if he wanted he could be popular, and who knows what would happen if _those_ people knew those kinds of things about me? I just don't think I can handle all of that.

I have to stop thinking like this. Chris would never act that way, he doesn't have the patience for popular people, they are far too shallow for him. Too run of the mill. He even told me that the main reason that he even started talking to me was because he could tell that I was different than everyone else, and actually in a good way.

He can't think this is some kind of date though. That would just complicate things even more. But I can't just go up to him and tell him I don't want to date him, he might stop talking to me.

No, stop thinking this way. Nothing like that is going to happen.

I just need to think about something else. Paul? No, that would just make me even more confused and upset. School? Too boring, that thought would end before it even began. Ugh, I just wish I could turn off my brain for a few hours to let it reboot or something. That would help. If I could just stop taking in new information, I could let myself sift through what is already there.

It's late now, so I guess I could just go to sleep. Yes I think sleeping might help.

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And that is chapter four.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Going Out

I'm standing in the middle of a field. On one end is Paul, he looks so sad, I just want to go over to him and make him feel better. I start to move towards him but then I notice that on the other end of the field is Chris. He is calling my name, he looks so happy, and I want to be part of that, I feel so sad and I just know that he would be able to fix that, to make me happy again. I look back at Paul and for some reason I feel like I can't have them both. I've got to choose, this field is making me choose between them. I have known Paul for so long, but I just love to be around Chris. How could I possible make a decision that is so hard. I don't know what to do so I just sit down, right in the middle of the field. Suddenly they are both furious. They are screaming at me that I have to choose. That I can't just sit around and let it play out for itself. That if I don't choose now, I can't have either of them. I start crying, and they just keep yelling. I try to yell back at them that I can't choose, that it is too hard, but I can't find my voice. It isn't working, and I can't make any sound. Then they both disappear, and I am left alone sitting in this field that is suddenly so very quiet.

I woke up covered in sweat. It was six in the morning, I shouldn't be up yet but I wasn't tired at all.

I could hear my dad downstairs but I didn't know what he would be doing up this early. He doesn't work, and he gets money for disability every month. He usually sleeps till noon, which allows me to avoid him very effectively. I could probably move out without his noticing. Everyone in my family is crazy, even more so than me. That is why I never invited Paul over to the house, we always went over to his house.

I was still not really in the mood to do much talking but I felt a bit better then I

did last night. The dream was terrible but it didn't mean anything. I have never taken my dreams seriously, so I didn't see any reason to start now.

I looked around at my room as if I am seeing it through new eyes. I liked doing that sometimes, trying to look at things that I see every day differently, trying to get a new perspective.

I have always put things up on my walls. I never painted this room but I did cover the walls in artwork. Not the usual stuff but just random things that I found and pinned to the walls. Some of it is mine, and some of it is famous, and some of it is stuff that I found around school, but not a single thing has anything to do with science. My whole life I have wanted a job in the sciences, yet still my room is covered in art. I never, not even for a moment considered art as a career. I can't imagine a life without art in it, but I never planed to keep it in my life. Somehow this new revelation spooked me, I would have to ask Chris what he thought about it later.

I took a shower and headed down stairs finding that my dad was actually up and

dressed.

"Hey kiddo, what's up? Feels like I haven't seen you in weeks." That's cause you

haven't smart guy. He sounded so fake that I just wanted to hit him.

"Nothing much, I'm going out later though." I said trying not to look at him. If I

avoided looking at him he would get distracted and forget to ask any follow up questions.

"Really, with that Paul guy?" He was hunting through the fridge not really paying

attention at all. I could get out of this fast by just saying yes, but I didn't really feel like lying to him right then and I just loved the look on his face when he realized that he didn't know me at all.

"No, I haven't talked to him in a while actually. I'm going out with this other guy Chris that I'm friends with now." The whole time that I was saying this I was

mindlessly looking through the pantry, for some reason when I look through the fridge and the pantry I think the best. I could just stand there for like a half and hour staring off into space when I was not even hungry.

"Okay, well you two have fun." I don't think he heard me at all. Not that I really cared, as soon as I'm old enough I'm moving out and never coming back. I hate this city, I have lived here all of my life and it is time for something different. I head back up to my room and got onto my computer, signing on and then playing mindless games for several hours, trying my hardest not to notice that Paul was not signed on, but I just couldn't help glancing at my friends list every few minutes. What can I say, I am a crazy obsessive person, and it was already taking all of my will power to not stalk him mildly, or to send him an e-mail begging for forgiveness for something that is not my fault.

I just felt so guilty sometimes for all of this mess that I was in and none of it was my fault. He should be the one to apologize to me, not the other way around. I just didn't think I would be able to go on much longer in this fight.

I heard the doorbell ring and I realized that it was already four. Thank goodness I had gotten ready this morning or else now I would have been screwed. I sprinted downstairs calling to my dad that I would get the door. There was no way in hell I was going to subject Chris to my father's craziness.

"Hey, you're here. Hold on just a minute, I need to grab some cash before we can leave," it actually surprised me that I was happy to see him.

"Who's at the door?" my dad called up from the basement.

"No one dad," I called back behind me really fast, then turned back to face Chris, "How about you just follow me up stairs, it is just easer to not try to explain things to my dad."

"Sure." He sounded a bit nervous but he was trying to hide it, I couldn't decide yet if I would call him out on it though, just to watch him squirm. It was always so funny to watch people squirm.

We headed up to my room and I start looking for where I left my cash. I know that

I have at least twenty dollar but I just can't quite remember where I left it. If I leave my money out in the open my dad is likely to "borrow" it.

I was not really thinking much about Chris at the moment but as I turned to start to look somewhere else I notice that he had started inspecting the walls of my room, so he would not just be standing there awkwardly.

"I really like what you have done to your room. It fits you in a way, kind of like

organized chaos."

"Thanks, I just pin up different pictures whenever I find one that I like." I was not

really focusing on what I was saying but at last I finally found my money. "Okay, I found it, lets go."

"Cool." He had a hard time pulling his eyes away from the walls as we walked out

of the room. "I like your house, it has character."

"Not really, it is just messy." We were walking down the street towards the movie

theater and it really was a nice day outside. I usually don't take any notice to the weather but today really was a nice day for a walk. Cloudy, and raining just a little bit, threatening to rain harder. It was just my kind of day.

I love the rain. It just has such a calming effect on me. The only time that I ever go for walks was when it was raining outside. We just happened to be lucky today that it was a warm rain, so we weren't freezing.

"It really is a nice day out today," I said mindlessly to him while leaning my head back to inspect the sky further.

He glanced at the sky then looked at me like I really was an insane person.

"What? I like the rain, plus it's warm out, I just hate it when it is cold." But he still didn't say anything, instead just shaking his head, like he was trying to get rid of a thought.

"What?" I said in a demanding yet joking voice.

"It's nothing, really. I guess I should have expected you to like things like the rain. You are always surprising me with the different things that you like. You are unlike any other person I have ever met. Sometimes you are just down right weird."

"First of all, I am not crazy for liking the rain, other people are crazy for not liking it. B, I know you like that I am so different, and three, being weird is a good thing. If I ever become normal shoot me."

"You do realize you went from first to B to three, right?" Now he was really looking at me like I was crazy.

"Yes, I do realize that, and I did it on purpose." I said, using my best smart-ass voice.

"You just like to try and annoy me, don't you?"

"But of course, what else is there to do in this world for fun?"

"Well, I certainly wouldn't know," he replied to me, smiling.

After that we walked in silence, though it was not an uncomfortable one. It felt more like neither of us had anything to say, but neither of us cared, just enjoying the other persons company was enough.

We got their with plenty of time before the movie started, but still we went inside, after buying our tickets of course.

"So, do you want anything?" he asked leaning his head towards where you could buy over priced food and sugar.

"Not really, how bout you?"

"No, too expensive for the amount of stuff you actually get. And to think that they are still raising the prices." He glared at the overpriced sugar, but I could still tell that behind the glare he really wanted something, which just made it really funny for me. So naturally I started laughing, not my full out, can't breath falling over laughing, but still it was more than just a chuckle.

He whipped his head around real fast, looking around the room like he had missed something. "What?" was all he could manage to say, which just made me laugh harder.

"Nothing," I managed to choke out between laughs, "it was just the look on your face as you were glaring at the candy."

"I wasn't glaring." He said back, almost forcefully.

"Yes, you were." I replied simply, poking him lightly in the chest as I said it.

He had no reply, instead just acting like I had poked him really hard, rubbing the spot on his chest.

"Why you are just a big manly man now aren't you?"

"How about we just go sit down now?" he sounded almost pleading, like at that moment he would have done almost anything just so I would stop picking on him, but still we were just joking around.

We went into the theater and argued about where to sit for a while before finally settling on the middle. He wanted to sit in the back, and I wanted to sit in the front.

"But the screen looks so tiny." I complained to him again.

"How can you say it looks tiny? It's like a fifty foot screen."

"But it looks so much bigger when you sit in the front."

"Then you have to lean your head back all funny and you get a kink in your neck by the time the movie is over."

"That's only if you sit in the very front stupid. When you sit in like the third row it is perfect."

"Oh, ok, will you just stop, I give in, you win. Next time we will sit in the front. Now will you please be quit, the movie is going to start any second." he sounded all flustered, which had been the whole point of the argument. It was just so funny when he got angry, I couldn't resist the temptation. Honestly, I really didn't care where we sat.

But as the movie started I stopped thinking my own weird thoughts and focused on the movie.

It was actually a pretty good film, I hadn't been to the movies since before me and Paul started fighting. I had missed days like this.

After it was over we walked out of the theater, at a loss of what to do now.

"We didn't think this all the way through." I told him as we were on our way home.

"Yeah, we should have come up with something to do after the movie was over."

"It's too early to go home, plus there is nothing to do at my house."

"We could go to my house if you want." he seemed kind of nervous in offering. Like he wanted to hang out with me more, but felt awkward having people in his home.

"That's an idea," was all I said back, I really didn't care where we went as long as it wasn't my house. "But what would we do at your house?"

"I have no idea."

"Yeah know what? I think I'm just going to go home, it's already almost nine, and we really don't have anything to do anyway." I said, I was far to mentally exhausted to try and come up with something to keep us both entertained.

"Um, ok then I guess," He sounded sad. "I had a really good time though."

"Yeah so did I," we were walking up to my house, and he just kept following me. I guess he decided he was going to walk me to my door. "Well I guess I will talk to you later, bye."

"Yeah, bye." And he turned around and left, walking back down the street to his own house.

I really didn't want to be home, their was nothing to do at my house, ever. I didn't even tell my dad when I got home, instead just going straight up to my room.

I didn't even bother signing onto my computer tonight, I knew that Paul wasn't going to be online.

It was still really early but as soon as I laid down, I feel asleep.

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Sorry it took me so long to update, I could give you a whole long excuse, but I wont. I will however say that I have been working on this story for over a year, and up until this chapter, I had them all pre-written, but this chapter I just finished writing yesterday. Also I have a new editor that is not me, so this chapter should have less typos. The next chapter will hopefully be up sometime in the next month, with my editors encouragement, but I'm not making any promises.

-Emilie


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